He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
