The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
