I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
