I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
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