Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
