At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
