ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
