i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
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