I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Randomize
