the new term for farting is butt boxing.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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