Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
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