Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
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