hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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