And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
