She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
