I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Randomize
