well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
