it's too hot outside to masturbate.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
