Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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