Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
