Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
