ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
