Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
