haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
