We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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