Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Randomize
