Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
