i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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