I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize
