omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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