Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
