i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
