yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
