Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
