On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
