Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
