i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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