Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
