2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
