What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
