Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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