Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
