@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Randomize
