its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
