We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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