the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
