I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
