Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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