how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
My ass is underappreciated
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
