Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
