Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
